Progress

I had occupational therapy this morning, my range of motion is a lot better than it was a few months ago, and my grip strength is significantly better too. To fully understand the medical issues I have, you have to go back to September of 2010. I had my knee surgery for an osteochondral lesion, it was all fixed and I thought I was out of the woods, that I would be fine. The third week of school I got this sharp shooting, stabbing, burning pain up my arms. Making a really long story somewhat short here, I started having trouble writing, and I had to drop classes in school. I started falling behind, and eventually I came home to be home bound tutored like I was for the last month of my sophomore year in high school because of my knee surgery. I've been to so many doctors, and specialists, and pain management doctors, and no one has been able to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. Things are a lot better now all the way around but, if I don't take my medicine I feel like I did when everything first started, which makes me believe that there's something else going on. I don't really know, I may not ever really know. In the process of getting sick, and being sick, and not being at school I feel like I've lost all my friends. I feel like I'm not even an after thought anymore, I'm just forgotten all together, and I know I'm not alone through all of this but, sometimes it really feels like I am. I can't even talk to any of my "friends" about any of this stuff I'm dealing with, at least I don't feel like I can, because no one really understands, no one but me. I've had to grow up so fast, and I was already mature for my age before. I have 70 year old woman health problems, a 20 something year old mind and attitude, and I'm stuck in this 17 year old body. I just want to grow up and be done with all of this crap. I know a lot of teenagers say that, and I think it's just because they want to be treated like an adult, even though they still act like little babies when it comes to life and dealing with things. Anyways...I'm going to have to change all my doctors once I turn 18 in July, because I have all pediatric doctors now. My mom said that, we're just going to start over, get second opinions, and go to an even better well-known hospital. Maybe this time around someone, somewhere will be able to come even a little bit closer to an actual diagnosis, maybe not though. Maybe the third time around will be the charm, I have no clue, all I know is I don't want to wait that long to figure things out. I want answer like, now, please and thank you very much. I hope I continue my progress in occupational therapy, because all I want is so feel better, and have no pain at all. I feel so weird when I say or think those words. I'm too young to be in so much pain. When people ask me what's wrong, I usually don't say that anything is, I say that I'm great, because it's easier to pretend like everything is okay than to try and explain all my business to someone that probably doesn't even care. Most of the time I just wonder when everything stopped making sense, because nothing really makes much sense to me anymore. I'm just trying to go with the flow.