All Over Again

she walks on a fragile line
it's breaking as she tries to find
some kind of peace within her mind
she talks to angels
far up in the sky
asking why, why, why
because she feels like she's breaking
all over again
because she feels like shes fading
all over again
and she bends and she breaks
and she falls and she fades
but she'll do whatever it takes
just to be okay again
she goes through her day
pretends everything's okay
she keeps up with the race
but day by day shes losing her faith
she stares up at the sky at night
wishing that she could just know why
her eye lids flutter as she's falling asleep
dreaming of what this could possibly be
because she feels like she's breaking
all over again
because she feels like shes fading
all over again
and she bends and she breaks
and she falls and she fades
but she'll do whatever it takes
just to be okay again
she breathes in
she breathes out
but she still has all of this doubt
she can scream
she can shout
but she still feels like she's all by herself
she talks to angels
deep up in the sky
asking why, why, why
because she feels like she breaking
all over again
she feels like she's fading
all over again
she bends and she breaks
she falls and she fades
she would do whatever it takes
just to be okay again

Back In Session

Whoa, I haven't written at all for litteraly a month. I've been so busy, not really, but kind of. School has started and I'm already stressing out. I love all my classes, but, my first class, Earth Science and my second class Biology 2 are killing me. I take notes back to back and I've been so great with my hands and arms, and for the past week or so of school I haven't had any problems. Unfortunatly today I am, that's why I'm sitting here at home in the middle of the day. My arm really hurts. I might take a nap. I'm watching a Taylor Swift interview, love love love! Advice from Taylor Swift for young aspiring musicians: "I think that you have to love it more than anything else, you have to love it for so many other reasons than what you think the end result could be, like you don’t make an album so that you can get a platinum record to hang on your wall, you don’t go on tour so you can hang the sold out plaques up in your bedroom. You have to love music SO much that your hour and a half to 2 hours on stage is worth everything else that you're going to go through." Oh and she says to learn how to play your own instrument because it's alot easier than carring around a karaoke machine. Beauty is sincerity, that there are so many ways someone can be beautiful, there isn’t one way to be beautiful because everyone and everthing has beauty in it, even if not everyone sees it, it's always there. ♥fearless fan forever.

Love & Hate

What is this feeling that I feel
It's running through my veins
It's one of those things you can't explain
Like I'm torn between love and hate
And I can't find the right words to say
I'm just the flower, I'm not the planter
I can't speak because I have no more words to say
Oh, it's only pain that runs through my veins
But it's a feeling I just can't explain
Close your eyes and picture a world so devine
The sun is always shining
I always know where to find myself
The blue skies go on forever
Nothing ever isn't right
Yeah, that's where I wish I could be
But it's no where in sight
I have all this grey sky
No sunlight to see
Always running wild
I don't know where to find myself
I scream till I can scream no more
And still no one can hear me
I'm in a state of utter misery
It's always surrounding me
It won't let go of me
Because it's got such a tight hold of me
What will become of me
Torn between love and hate
It's only love
It's only pain
But it makes me wake
Never easy to keep fighting this war
I'm ready to surrender
Can't you see my flag?
I know this battle is far from won
But I just can't fight it anymore
I'm torn between love and hate
It's one of those things you can't explain
I just can't explain

Bitter Sweet

Life is bitter sweet
Truth is sometimes more than just skin deep
Answers seem to be so far out of reach
With every blink of an eye
It seems like a lifetime is passing by
And no matter how hard you try
Spending so much of your time
Wishing for brighter days
And no more bitter nights
Just give me some wings so I can fly
Let me run away so I can hide
So I can continue my constant search
For the peace I can never seem to find
Let me open up my eyes and see a sign
Please give me hope for tomorrow
Give back long summer days
And never ending stary skies
Let me dance in the rain
Give me no fears
And nothing to hide
Give me a crisp fall day
To be able to escape from this place
Please let me long for those days
Oh how I long for those days
But this world is not fair
This world is not kind
And you're left torn between the lines
Bitter sweet
This life is bitter sweet

Shark In The Water

There's a shark in the water
But I can't swim to shore
I keep swimming and swimming
But I can't find a cure
I can't sjake this feeling
I can't see the surface anymore
I'm just sinking down deeper and deeper
Till I cna't breathe no more
I'm fighting the current
I'm reaching for a hand
But it's pulling me deeper
And I don't understand
There's a shark in the water
And I can't see the shore
There's a shark in the water
Oh, I can't breathe anymore
Don't let it consume me
Just let water rush into me
I swim and swim till I can't swim no more
But this shark in the water has me swiming some more
There's a shark in the water
And I can't breathe anymore

Ghost of Me

When I look in the mirrow
All I see is the ghost of me
All the things that made me, me
No longer will they be
Cause it's like I'm leaving
And I don't know who I'll end up being
This feeling is burning underneath my skin
Lingering like something I can't see
I'm afraid I'll wake up
And all I'll be is a ghost of me
My mind is so confused
Because no of this has a reason
Like a fire burning wild
It's chasing me as I'm dreaming
No chance to believe in reality
I wake and all I see is a ghost of me
My life has become so frightening to me
Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe
When I look over my shoulder
All I see is a ghost of me
It haunts me everyday
Waiting for me to change
Wnting my eot fail
When I close my eyes I fear
That's all I'm going to be
It wants to take all of me
And leave nothing left to see
It wants everything I could be
Everything I should be
Evertything I would be
It wants to steal my soul
So that I will be
Nothing but a ghost of me

My Life

Well, I haven't posted in forever, and after this week it'll probably be a while till I post again too. My 18th birthday is in 6 days, and there's just soo much going on. I'm making cupcakes to take to therapy & get my shirt on the 5th. I'm going to the Shedd Aquarium and Little Italy restaraunt on my actualy birthday, the 6th. I'm baking my birthday cake on the 7th, I'll post a picture of it, but it's going to be soo cute! I'm going to pick up two of my bestest friends on the 8th and they'll be spending the night. It's cake time on the 9th! with my family and friends, and then finaly on the 10th, I'm going to be gone at VBS set up at my old church in Lansing, IL for most of the day. I'll be home the week after, but the rest of the week I'll be at VBS helping with the little pre-schoolers! I'm SO excited! and once I'm home, it's Taylor Swift Concert time, in the 4th row with my Uncle Dan!! and then MORE concerts with my dad when I get back from Taylor! I think this summer is definitely going to make up for last summer, totaly. I'm just so happy that I can do all this stuff without being in pain, or worrying that something will start hurting. For so long I felt like I couldn't do the things I loved, well, I really coudln't, and now it's like my life has been given back to be, and when I look at the big picture I think it's been returned to me in an even better state than when I lost it.