Somewhere Is Better Than Nowhere

I had a homework assignment last week for my psychology class. It was to write my own obituary. I thought it was really weird and I had no idea what to write, but as I was actualyl writing it it made me think. What if I died right now. What would I leave behind, what would my legacy be. What have I acomplished in my barely twenty years of life. I have a hard time talking about myself sometimes, most of the time actually. I feel like I'm bragging and I feel bad. But when I really got to thinking about my life, I realized that I've acomplished so much. I have been through things that no one will ever be able to understand and as much bad that has come out of it, there's so much good. I have every right to brag, and I should.
 
Obituarys talk about the death of a loved one and who they left behind, what they acomlished maybe, mostly it's up to their family. If I died right now I would leave behing my mom and my dad, who would be totally devestated. They've raised me in the best way I could ever ask for. I'd leave behing my animals. My dog Aly and my dog Honey Bear, and my guinea pig Lizzy. They are my whole world, I can't even imagine life without them. I know what life without them would be because I've already lost some and it just sucks. I don't have any siblings, I'm not close with any of my cousins and I never see them. My pets are everything. I would hope people would miss me, I know a lot of people who really would.
 
Eventhough there would be a lot of negative if I died right now, there's a lot I have to be proud of too. I was a published writer at seventeen. Twice, actually. I won first place in a literary competition for a story about my life and my experience going through my first knee surgery. At that point in my life that was the biggest thing to happen and I though it would be the last, but little did I know then HAHA. I've writen lyrics. I've written music. Some of my writing and my thoughts have never been seen by another soul except me, but some of it has been seen by hundreds of thousands, who even knows. My words that make up my poems, the feelings behind them, that mean so much to me at good enough to be in books. I'm good enough to be published among hundrds of other kids like me, all throughout the country. My words were picked out of tons and tons of entrys. While other kids are sad because they didn't get picked, I did! Being good at something and knowing you're good is one thing, but when other people, strangers, see it too, that means something.
 
I'm a musicican too. A good one at that. I play tenor saxophone, clarinet, amd piano. I read music, I can sight read almost anything you put in front of me. My life would be empty without my piano. I can't go long without playing it or listening to someone else play it. It keeps me sane. I play everything. Pop, jazz, hymns, classical, you name it. Classical is my favorite. I love Beethoven and Mozart, Vivaldi and Choppin, Tchaikovsky and Bach. The list just keeps going on and on. I love Beethoven's Moonlight Sonota, it's hauntingly beautiful and it just takes me to a place that is the most serene and wondeful to be in. I played it for an audition. When I hear it, I close my eyes and I can just picture my hands moving on the keys, floating along the melody. I can't even explain it. I've recived over ten awards at solo and ensemble competitions in middle school, vocal and insrumental. I sang a song my eighth grade year, The Sound Of Music from the movie The Sound Of Music, I can play that one too, and I sing along and it takes me to another place again. I won a directors award too, which in eighth grade is a big deal. Someone once told me that the way I talk about my music sounds like it's a drug and that's probably the only way I can even describe what it does to me. It's my drug. My addiction. And I pride myself on my musical talents, and that's because to be quite frank, I am damn good at what I do. Yes, there are much better pianists, but that doesn't matter to me.
 
 I used to be shy about all of this. Blogging, writing, singing, playing my instruments in front of people and even just talking about it all. Everything. But I'm not anymore. Hell I want whoever reads this to know it all. I used to identify with the sick girl, the girl that was broken but still held her head high enough to keep breathing. I never let myself identify with the good. The girl thats published, the girl thats talented, the girl that's not broken anymore. I was scared to write and for people to see what I wrote. Fear of it not making sense to someone else, but it doesn't matter because it makes sense to me.

If I died right now it would be tragic and sad and horrible and devestating. If I died right now I would have a lot to be remembered by. I would be remembered well. I would have left a mark, to who or what I'm not really sure, but I know it's somewhere and somewhere is better than nowhere and that's perfectly good enough for me.