I have so much to say, because I have so many thoughts running through my head, but I don't know where to start. I don't know what I want to say, or if I even want to say anything. Sometimes I think I want to say everything but there's just so much that the thought of even begining to say what's on my mind is an overwhelming thought. And because I think of it as an overwhelming thought, it becomes and overwhelming task. I'm now at the point where the thought of it being overwhelming is less of a big deal because there's just too many thoughts built up and there is no place else for them to go.
I thought high school would be better than juinor high and I was wrong. I thought college would be better than high school and I was wrong again. This past semester and this current semester has been like hell. All I wanted was to be normal and have normal college stuff happen, but yet again, because I haven't gone through enough, I can't have that either. I don't mean to sound like some kind of whining baby, but sometimes I feel like that. I'll be the first to admit that I complain about this a lot, and it's because it effects me so much.
Here's how I see everything. My perspective. I feel like I'm in this corner all by myself, I feel like I'm standing alone on the frontlines, with no one standing with me, no one to help me out. She has all these people advocating for her, her parents, the campus saftey, ths residence hall directors, all doing things for her, being concerned with what's good for her. And I'm over here with onlymyself as an advocate. I have no one looking out for me, no one is saying or asking what's best for me, nope, nothing for Marla. I'm alone.
I have spent all this time trying to do the right thing, get the probelms solved, help out as much as I can and I'm the one that is punished. I'm the one that gets nothing in return. I make tiny minor mistake and I get treated like omited a crime and broke the fucking law. I personally think it's all bullshit and the way the university has handled all this is abolutly stupid and rediculos.
This is only a quarter of all the things on my mind, all the shit I'm dealing with. I'm so stressed, about everything, school, me, social life, you name it I'm stressin'. I have 8 weeks to go and I feel like it's just never going to end. I'm getting lost inmy thoughts again, and I don't know how to vocalize the rest of what I want to say.
